The definition of loneliness is "unhappy solitude."This can be emotional loneliness, where you have no-one to care about you or listen to your troubles, or social loneliness – having no-one to do things with.
Everyone goes through times when they are suddenly on their own, especially when circumstances change.This can include separation or divorce, redundancy, bereavement, moving home or workplace, recovering from illness, lack of money or simply outliving your elderly friends.How long this state lasts depends on the ease with which you find new activities, contacts or a change of attitude that fill the void and make life enjoyable again.
There are two different approaches to the problem of loneliness that you can take which ideally should be attempted at the same time:
·Learning to enjoy the time you spend on your own
·Finding friends or other people to do things with
Enjoying being on your own
This is hard if you are depressed and miserable, but it is a useful skill as we all have to spend some time on our own and it is actually good for us to be able to do so joyfully.Instead of panicking, tell yourself that being on your own is really good for you.Plan to benefit from the next block of 2 hours you find yourself alone.Perhaps one of the following ways would be a good place to start:
Relax – try listening to tapes as you practise stress-busting exercises.These are available free over the Internet or you could buy a set to work through once a week.
Develop a skill – go to the library and take out a self-help book or DVD on a NEW hobby such as modelling, crafts, art, yoga, creative writing, photography etc.In a few weeks, you could become an expert and even use your skill to save money – for example, think what you will save altering or making clothes, designing birthday cards,selling home-baked produce or freshly grown plants, writing stories or producing calendars for Christmas.
Meet a cherished goal – if you have always talked about losing weight, stopping smoking or getting fitter, plan ways to do this when you are on your own.Set a timetable and make sure you tick off your achievements each week.
Improve your environment – look round your home and decide on one area that could do with a fresh makeover.Buy the materials and teach-yourself how to paint, plaster or sew if you are not a home-maker, and surprise yourself with your success.
Improve your mind – now is the time to get into the authors you never had time for or find out more about history, science or religion.
As well as enjoying being on your own, you need to meet new people.So where can this happen?
Places to meet others
Here are some ideas for meeting new people that are all worth a try:
Join any sort of class, club or association.As long as you enjoy the activity, you will have people to talk to or study alongside who share a common interest and who may want to socialise as well.Most galleries and museums have a "Friends" society, for example, where members can mingle in the Friends' Room or at special exhibitions.
Changing job or taking a part-time position will immediately introduce you to new colleagues who can become friends.If you do not work, volunteering is another way to get out and meet people.As well as charity shops there are thousands of committees or action groups dying to attract more active members.
Take up a sociable sport – badminton, tennis, golf or squash for example all offer clubs, tournaments or beginners' classes to join.
Follow up an interest where you are likely to meet like-minded people such as visiting tourist attractions, attending plays, concerts or art exhibitions, or going on a guided tour.People are usually very happy to talk to others in the coffee shop, on the bus or over drinks during the interval.
If you have young children, take them to places other mums will go such as activity clubs, play centres or school fetes.
Answer magazine adverts or use the Internet, bearing in mind that you must always take care when meeting new people in this way.
Get a dog and take it for walks – dog-owners cannot help talking to each other as they bump into the same people on a regular basis.
Join a church.
Think back over places you have made friends before – can you try any of these again?
Once you have met someone you like, it is very important to be pro-active.Don't wait for them to ask you round or out for a coffee or a drink – do it first.The worst that can happen is that they will say no, but they will certainly be flattered and pleased.Remember, we ALL like to be liked.
